etymological  society,  so  the  Limerick  has,  by  leaning 
upon  the  arm  of  Lear  and  Miss  Wells,  ascended  to 
an  enviable  position,  and  is  welcomed  wherever 
good  verse  is  appreciated.  We  here  present  it  and 
stand  aside  that  it  may  make  its  best  bow. 

The  first  representative  Limerick,  according  to 
Mr.  Stanton  Vaughn,  was  that  beginning  "There 
was  a  young  man  of  St.  Kitts,"  written  about 
1834.  Lear  is  said  to  have  derived  his  inspira- 
tion in  1846  from  that  gem  of  Mother  Goose, 
"There  was  an  old  man  of  Tobago," — a  favorite 
also  of  old  Lady  Tippins  and  the  redoubtable  Eugene. 
Since  Lear's  day  the  trend  has  been  away  from 
nonsense,  and  of  those  who  would  substitute  wit  a 
few  have  met  with  conspicuous  success.  To  these 
gifted  writers,  Edward  Lear,  Cosmo  Monkhouse, 
Carolyn  Wells,  Oliver  Herford,  Gelett  Burgess, 
and  others  whose  names  we  have  diligently  striven 
to  discover,  we  are  indebted  and  grateful.  Limericks 
do  "achieve  an  enormous  circulation  —  verbally," 
and  for  this  reason  it  has  been  difficult  to  trace 
authorship  and  accurate  text.  To  forgiving  authors 
and  an  indulgent  public  we  commit  the  result  of 
our  labors. 


THE  SMILE 
ON  THE  FACE  OF  THE  TIGER 


There  was  a  young  man  of  St.  Kitts, 
Who  was  very  much  troubled  with  fits ; 
The  eclipse  of  the  moon 
Threw  him  into  a  swoon ; 
When  he  tumbled  and  broke  into  bits. 


m 

There  was  an  old  man  of  Tobago, 
Who  lived  on  rice,  gruel,  and  sago ; 
Till  much  to  his  bliss 
His  physician  said  this  — 
44  To  a  leg,  sir,  of  mutton  you  may  go." 


VI 

There  once  was  a  lady  from  Guam, 

Who  said,  "  Now  the  sea  is  so  calm 

I  will  swim,  for  a  lark ; " 

But  she  met  with  a  shark. 

Let  us  now  sing  the  ninetieth  psalm. 


VII 

I'd  rather  have  fingers  than  toes, 
I'd  rather  have  ears  than  a  nose, 
And  as  for  my  hair, 
I'm  glad  it's  all  there, 
I'll  be  awfully  sad  when  it  goes. 


There  was  an  old  man  who  said,  "  Do 
Tell  me  how  Fm  to  add  two  and  two  ? 

Pm  not  very  sure 

That  it  doesn't  make  four  — 
But  I  fear  that  is  almost  too  few/' 


XI 

There  was  a  young  woman  named  Sue, 
Who  wanted  to  catch  the  2.02; 

Said  the  trainman,  "  Don't  hurry 

Or  flurry  or  worry ; 
It's  a  minute  or  two  to  2.02." 


XIV 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Truro, 
Who  wished  a  mahogany  bureau, 
But  they  said  to  her,  "  God 
On  the  length  of  Cape  Cod 
Couldn't  raise  a  mahogany  bureau!" 


XV 

A  fellow  named  Teddy  Magee, 

Rolling  homeward  one  night  from  a  spree, 
Met  the  parson,  who  said, 
"Ah!  drunk  again,  Ted!" 

"  Sho'm  /,  parson/'  gurgled  Magee. 


xvni 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Crete, 
Who  was  so  exceedingly  neat, 
When  she  got  out  of  bed 
She  stood  on  her  head, 
To  make  sure  of  not  soiling  her  feet. 


XIX 

There  was  an  old  maid  of  Shanghai, 
Who  was  so  exceedingly  shy, 
When  undressing  at  night, 
She  turned  out  the  light, 
For  fear  of  the  All  Seeing  Eye. 


XXII 

I  wish  that  my  room  had  a  floor ; 

I  don't  so  much  care  for  a  door; 
But  this  crawling  around 
Without  touching  the  ground 

Is  getting  to  be  quite  a  bore. 


xxni 

There  was  an  old  man  of  Tarentum, 
Who  chewed  on  his  teeth  till  he  bent  ' 
And  when  asked  for  the  cost 
Of  what  were  not  "  lost  " 
Said,  "I  really  can't  tell,  for  I  rent  'e 


XXVI 

A  sleeper  from  the  Amazon 
Put  nighties  of  his  gra'mazon 

The  reason,  that 

He  was  too  fat 
To  get  his  own  pajamazon. 


XXVII 

There  was  a  man  in  Henderson, 
Who  had  a  tall  and  slenderson, 

A  human  rail, 

Who  used  a  nail, 
To  fasten  his  suspenderson. 


xxvni 

There  was  a  man  in  Atchison, 
Whose  trousers  had  rough  patchison ; 

He  found  them  great, 

He'd  often  state, 
To  scratch  his  parlor  matchison. 


XXDC 

A  silly  young  fellow  named  Hyde, 
In  a  funeral  procession  was  spied ; 

When  asked,  "  Who  is  dead?" 

He  giggled  and  said, 
44 1  don't  know ;  I  just  came  for  the  ride." 


XXX 

There  was  an  old  man  in  a  hearse, 
Who  murmured,  "  This  might  have  been 
worse; 

Of  course  the  expense 

Is  simply  immense, 
But  it  doesn't  come  out  of  my  purse/' 


XXXI 

There  was  a  young  man  of  Fort  Blainey, 
Who  proposed  to  a  typist  named  Janey : 

When  his  friends  said,  "  Oh,  dear ! 

She's  so  old  and  so  queer !  " 
He  replied,  "  But  the  day  was  so  rainy ! " 


XXXII 

There  was  a  young  man  from  the  West, 
Who  loved  a  young  lady  with  zest ; 
So  hard  did  he  press  her 
To  make  her  say,  "  Yes,  sir," 
That  he  broke  three  cigars  in  his  vest. 


xxxin 

There  was  a  young  sailor  of  Lyd, 
Who  loved  a  fair  Japanese  kid ; 
When  it  came  to  good-bye, 
They  were  eager  but  shy, 
So  they  put  up  a  sunshade  and  —  did. 


XXXIV 

There  once  was  a  maiden  of  Siam, 
Who  said  to  her  lover,  young  Kiam, 

"  If  you  kiss  me,  of  course 

You  will  have  to  use  force, 
But  God  knows  you're  stronger  than  I  am." 


XXXV 

There  once  was  an  old  man  of  Lyme, 
Who  married  three  wives  at  a  time  : 
When  asked,  "Why  a  third?" 
He  replied,  "  One's  absurd ! 
And  bigamy,  sir,  is  a  crime/' 


XXXVI 

There  once  was  an  old  kangaroo, 
Who  painted  his  children  sky-blue ; 
When  his  wife  said,  "  My  dear, 
Don't  you  think  they  look  queer  ?  " 
He  replied,  "I  don't  know  but  they  do/' 


xxxvn 

There  once  was  a  maid  of  Japan, 

Who  married  a  Hottentot  man; 
The  maid  she  was  yellow, 
Black  as  coal  was  the  fellow, 

And  their  children  were  all  black  and  tan. 


XXXVIH 

There  was  a  young  man  of  Dunbar, 
Who  playfully  poisoned  his  Ma ; 
When  he'd  finished  his  work, 
He  remarked  with  a  smirk, 
"  This  will  cause  quite  a  family  jar/* 


XXXIX 

There  was  an  old  lady  of  Brooking, 
Who  had  a  great  genius  for  cooking ; 

She  could  bake  sixty  pies 

All  of  quite  the  same  size, 
And  tell  which  was  which  without  looking. 


XL 

A  joiner  of  intellect  crude 

Said,  "Why  not  use  sawdust  for  food? 

It's  cheap  by  the  ton, 

And  it  nourishes  one, 
And  that's  the  chief  object  of  food/' 


XLI 

There  once  was  a  girl  of  New  York, 
Whose  body  was  lighter  than  cork; 
She  had  to  be  fed 
For  six  weeks  upon  lead, 
Before  she  went  out  for  a  walk* 


XLII 


For  beauty  I  am  not  a  star, 

There  are  others  more  handsome  by  far  .* 

But  my  face ;  —  I  don't  mind  it, 

For  I  am  behind  it ; 
It's  the  people  in  front  that  I  jar. 


XLIII 

A  father  once  said  to  his  son, 
"  The  next  time  you  make  up  a  punt 
Go  out  in  the  yard 
And  kick  yourself  hard, 
And  I  will  begin  when  you've  done." 


XLIV 

There  was  an  old  woman  of  Tweedle, 
Who  sat  down  in  church  on  a  needle ; 

Though  deeply  imbedded, 

'Twas  luckily  threaded, 
And  extracted  at  once  by  the  beadle. 


XLV 

There  was  a  fat  canon  of  Durham, 
Who  trod  on  a  cloister-bred  wurrum ; 

Said  he  to  the  beadle, 

"  Prepare  the  cathedr'l, 
And  let  us  proceed  to  inter  'm." 


XLVI 

There  was  a  young  lady  whose  dream 
Was  to  feed  a  black  cat  on  whipped  cream; 
But  the  first  cat  she  found 
Spilled  the  cream  on  the  ground, 
And  she  fed  a  whipped  cat  on  black  cream. 


XLVII 

There  was  an  old  fellow  named  Green, 
Who  grew  so  abnormally  lean, 
And  flat,  and  compressed, 
That  his  back  touched  his  chest, 
And  sideways  he  couldn't  be  seen* 


XLVIH 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Lynn, 
Who  was  so  excessively  thin, 

That  when  she  essayed 

To  drink  lemonade 
She  slipped  through  the  straw  and  fell  in. 


XLDC 

There  was  an  old  man  from  Antigua, 
Whose  wife  said,  "  My  dear,  what  a  pig  you 
are!" 

He  replied,  "  O  my  queen, 

Is  it  manners  you  mean, 
Or  do  you  refer  to  my  f ig-u-a  ?  " 


There  was  a  young  lady  named  Perkins, 
Who  had  a  great  fondness  for  gherkins ; 

She  went  to  a  tea 

And  ate  twenty-three, 
Which  pickled  her  internal  workings. 


LI 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Maud, 
A  very  deceptive  young  fraud ; 

She  never  was  able 

To  eat  at  the  table, 
But  out  in  the  pantry, —  O  Lord ! 


LH 

There  was  a  young  maid  who  said,  "  Why 
Can't  I  look  in  my  ear  with  my  eye  ? 

If  I  put  my  mind  to  it 

Fm  sure  I  can  do  it : 
You  never  can  tell  till  you  try/' 


LHI 

Erat  Romanorum  dictator 
Qui  hated  his  uxoris  mater ; 

Cum  leo  her  edit, 

A  holler  he  dedit, 
Et  dixit,  "  Vale,  ma,  until  later/' 


LIV 

There  was  a  young  lady  from  Boston, 
A  two-horned  dilemma  was  tossed  on, 

As  to  which  was  the  best, 

To  be  rich  in  the  West 
Or  poor  and  peculiar  in  Boston. 


LV 

There  once  was  a  lonesome,  lorn  spinster, 
And  luck  had  for  years  been  ag'inst  her ; 
When  a  man  came  to  burgle 
She  shrieked,  with  a  gurgle, 
"  Stop  thief,  while  I  call  in  a  minister ! " 


LVI 

There  was  an  old  maid  named  McDowd, 
Who  got  squeezed  in  a  terrible  crowd ; 
The  thing  that  most  vexed  her 
Was  that  there  stood  next  her 
A  man  who  said  "  Damn  "  right  out  loud. 


LVII 

A  mathematical  maiden  named  Chaucer 
Cried  "O  fie  \"  and  "For  shame  I"  and  "O 
law,  Sir !" 

44  Dividers  have  limbs 

Like  indelicate  hims. 
So  circles  I  draw  with  a  saucer*" 


LVIIIa 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Hannah, 
Who  slipped  on  a  peel  of  banana. 

More  stars  she  espied 

As  she  lay  on  her  side 
Than  are  found  in  the  Star  Spangled  Banner. 


LVfflb 

A  gentleman  sprang  to  assist  her ; 

He  picked  up  her  glove  and  her  wrister ; 

" Did  you  fall,  Ma'am ?  "  he  cried; 

"  Do  you  think,"  she  replied, 
44 1  sat  down  for  the  fun  of  it,  Mister  ?  " 


LIX 

There  once  was  a  doughty  young  fly, 
Who  said,  "I  will  do  it  or  die; " 

So  she  took  off  her  stocking, 

A  spectacle  shocking, 
And  waded  right  into  a  pie. 


LX 

There  was  a  young  woman  from  Wilts 
Who  went  up  to  Scotland  on  stilts. 

When  they  said,  "Oh,  how  shocking 
To  show  so  much  stocking !  " 
She  answered,  "Well,  how  about  kilts?" 


LXI 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Lynn, 
Who  believed  in  original  sin. 
She'd  try  to  be  good 
As  hard  as  she  could,  — 
And  then  she'd  go  at  it  ag'in. 


Lxn 

Augustus  Fitzgibbons  Mor  an 
Fell  in  love  with  Maria  McGinn, 
With  a  yell  and  a  whoop 
He  cleared  the  front  stoop 
Just  ahead  of  her  papa's  brogan. 


LXIII 

Said  a  bad  little  youngster  named  Beauchamp, 
44  Those  jelly  tarts,  how  shall  I  reauchamp  ? 

To  my  parents  I'd  go, 

But  they  always  say  no, 
No  matter  how  much  I  beseauchamp." 


LXIV 

A  bright  little  maid  in  St.  Thomas 
Discovered  a  suit  of  pajhomas. 

Said  the  maiden,  "  Well,  well ! 

What  they  are  I  can't  tell, 
But    Pm    sure    that    these    garments    St. 
Mhoma's." 


LXV 

An  amorous  M.  A. 

Says  that  cupid,  the  C  D., 
Doesn't  cast  for  his  health 
But  is  rolling  in  wealth  — 

He's  the  John  Jaco-B.  H. 


LXVI 

A  sore-hipped  hippopotamus,  much  flustered, 
Objected  to  a  poultice  made  of  custard. 

Said  he,  "This  cussed  flip 

Seems  to  irritate  my  hip/* 
So  they  put  upon  his  hip  a  pot  o'  mustard. 


LXVII 

The  Sultan  got  sore  on  his  harem 
And  invented  a  scheme  for  to  scare  'em ; 
He  caught  him  a  mouse 
Which  he  loosed  in  the  house; 
(The  confusion  is  called  harem-scarem). 


Lxvm 

A  tutor  who  tooted  the  flute, 

Tried  to  teach  two  young  tooters  to  toot ; 

Said  the  two  to  the  tutor, 

"  Is  it  harder  to  toot  or 
To  tutor  two  tooters  to  toot  ?  " 


LXIX 

A  canner,  exceedingly  canny, 

One  morning  remarked  to  his  granny, 

44  A  canner  can  can 

Anything  that  he  can, 
But  a  canner  can't  can  a  can,  can  he  ?  " 


LXX 

Said  a  miser  who  sordidly  mised, 
"  My  gold  I  have  always  despised ; 
I  have  stinged  till  Fm  stingy, 
And  dinged  till  I'm  dingy, 
But  it's  really  the  practice  I've  prized." 


LXXI 


A  flea  and  a  fly  in  a  flue 

Were  imprisoned,  so  what  could  they  do  ? 
Said  the  fly,"  Let  us  flee," 
Said  the  flea,  "Let  us  fly," 

So  they  flew  through  a  flaw  in  the  flue. 


LXXII 

A  certain  young  fellow  named  Beebee 
Wished  to  wed  with  a  lady  named  Phoebe. 

"  But/'  said  he,  "  I  must  see 

What  the  clerical  fee 
Be  before  Phoebe  be  Phoebe  Beebee." 


LXXUI 

There  was  a  great  swell  in  Japan, 

Whose  name  on  a  Tuesday  began ; 

It  lasted  through  Sunday 

Till  twilight  on  Monday, 

And  sounded  like  stones  in  a  can. 


LXXIV 

My  grandma,  Rose  Angela  Hemans, 
Is  disposed  to  delirium  tremens. 

She  contracted  the  habit 

Of  eating  Welsh  Rarebit 
At  midnight,  and  then  she'd  see  demons. 


LXXV 

There  was  a  young  person  named  Ned, 
Who  dined,  before  going  to  bed, 

On  lobster  and  ham 

And  salad  and  jam, 
And  when  he  awoke  he  was  dead* 


LXXVI 

There  once  were  some  learned  M.D/s, 
Who  captured  some  germs  of  disease, 

And  infected  a  train 

Which,  without  causing  pain, 
Allowed  one  to  catch  it  with  ease. 


LXXVH 

There  once  was  a  pious  young  priest, 
Who  lived  almost  wholly  on  yeast ; 

44  For/'  he  said,  "  it  is  plain 

We  must  all  rise  again, 
And  I  want  to  get  started,  at  least/' 


LXXVHI 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Ruth, 
Who  had  a  great  passion  for  truth. 

She  said  she  would  die 

Before  she  would  lie, 
And  she  died  in  the  prime  of  her  youth. 


LXXIX 


There  was  an  old  man  in  a  tree, 
Who  was  horribly  bored  by  a  bee; 
When  they  said,  "Does  it  buzz?" 
He  replied,  "Yes,  it  does, 
It's  a  regular  brute  of  a  bee." 


LXXX 

There  was  an  old  man  of  St.  Bees, 
Who  was  stung  in  the  arm  by  a  wasp ; 

When  they  asked,  «  Does  it  hurt  ?" 

He  replied,  "  No,  it  doesn't, 
But  I  thought  all  the  time  'twas  a  hornet  I" 

(  W.  S,  Gilbert's  parody  oj  No.  LXXIX.) 


LXXXI 

There  was  a  young  man  from  Cornell, 
Who  said,  "I'm  aware  of  a  smell, 

But  whether  it's  drains 

Or  human  remains 
I'm  really  unable  to  tell/' 


LXXXII 

A  man  to  whom  illness  was  chronic. 
When  told  that  he  needed  a  tonic, 

Said,  "O  Doctor  dear, 

Won't  you  please  make  it  beer  ?  " 
"  No,  no/'  said  the  Doc., "  that's  Teutonic." 


LXXXHI 

To  his  wife  said  a  person  named  Brown, 
44  My  dear,  there's  a  caller  from  town/' 

"  Wait/'  she  cried  in  distress, 

"Till  I  slip  on  a  dress/' 
But  she  slipped  on  the  stairs  and  came  down. 


LXXXIV 

There  was  an  old  man  of  Kamschatkat 
Who  possessed  a  remarkably  fat  cur; 

His  gait  and  his  waddle 

Were  held  as  a  model 
To  all  the  fat  dogs  in  Kamschatka. 


LXXXV 

44  Cassez-vous,  cassez-vous,  cassez-vous, 
O  mer,  sur  vos  froids  gris  cailloux." 

Ainsi  traduisit  Laure 

Au  profit  d^Isadore, 
(Bon  jeune  homme,  et  son  futur  epoux). 


LXXXVI 

Un  marin  naufrage*  (de  Doncastre) 
Pour  priere,  au  milieu  du  desastre, 

Rep&ait  a  genoux 

Ccs  mots  simples  et  doux :  — 
"  Sctntillez,  scintillez,  petit  astre ! " 


LXXXVII 

A  young  person  of  Tomahawk  Bluff 
Carried  pistols  to  make  him  look  tough. 

When  they  asked,  "Do  you  chew?" 

He  replied,  "  Yes,  I  do, 
I'm  a  wegular  wetch  of  a  wough." 


LXXXVIII 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Skye, 
With  a  shape  like  a  capital  I; 

She  said,  "It's  too  bad! 

But  then,  I  can  pad," 
Which  shows  you  that  figures  can  lie. 


LXXXIX 

There  was  a  young  lady  from  Joppa, 
Whose  friends  all  decided  to  drop  her. 
She  went  to  Ostend 
On  a  trip  with  a  friend  — 
And  the  rest  of  the  story's  improper. 


xc 

There  was  a  young  woman  named  Florence, 
Who  for  kissing  professed  great  abhorrence; 
But  when  she'd  been  kissed 
And  found  what  she'd  missed, 
She  cried  till  the  tears  came  in  torrents. 


XCI 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Nellt 
Who  considered  herself  quite  a  belle ; 
She  sat  on  the  sand 
And  held  her  own  hand, 
And  never  discovered  the  sell. 


xcn 

There  was  a  young  person  called  Kate, 
Who  sat  on  the  stairs  very  late. 

When  asked  how  she  fared, 

She  said  she  was  scared, 
But  was  otherwise  doing  first-rate. 


xcm 

There  was  an  old  man  with  a  beard, 
Who  said,  "  It  is  just  as  I  feared !  — 

Two  owls  and  a  hen, 

Four  larks  and  a  wren, 
Have  all  built  their  nests  in  my  beard/* 


XdV 

Said  a  great  congregational  preacher 
To  a  hen,  "  You're  a  beautiful  creature." 

And  the  hen,  just  for  that, 

Laid  an  egg  in  his  hat, 
And  thus  did  the  Hen  reward  Beecher. 


xcv 

There  was  a  young  curate  of  Worcester, 
Who  could  have  a  command  if  he'd  choose  ter, 

But  he  said  each  recruit 

Must  be  blacker  than  soot, 
Or  else  he'd  go  preach  where  he  used  ter. 

(  Written  of  Thomas  Went-worth  Higginson.) 


XCV1 

A  genius  who  once  did  aspire 
To  invent  an  aerial  flyer, 

When  asked,  "  Does  it  go  ?" 

Replied," I  don't  know; 
Pm  awaiting  some  damphule  to  try  *er." 


XCVIIa 

There  once  was  a  man  from  Nantucket, 
Who  kept  all  his  cash  in  a  bucket, 

But  his  daughter  named  Nan 

Ran  away  with  a  man, 
And  alas  for  the  bucket,  Nan-tuck-et ! 


XCVHb 

But  he  followed  the  pair  to  Pawtuckett 
The  man  and  the  girl  with  the  bucket, 
And  he  said  to  the  man, 
He  was  welcome  to  Nan; 
And  as  for  the  bucket,  Paw-tuck-et ! 


xcvnt 

Said  the  old  man  of  Abinger-Hammei4, 
Who  was  blessed  with  a  wife  and  a  stammer, 

"  The  plague  of  my  life 

Is  my  w-w-w-wife, 
D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dammer ! " 


XdX 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Cork, 
Whose  Pa  made  a  fortune  in  pork ; 
He  bought  for  his  daughter 
A  tutor  who  taught  her 
To  balance  green  peas  on  her  fork. 


There  was  a  young  man  so  benighted, 
He  never  knew  when  he  was  slighted ; 

He  would  go  to  a  party, 

And  eat  just  as  hearty, 
As  if  he'd  been  really  invited. 


a 

There  was  a  young  person  called  Smarty, 
Who  sent  out  his  cards  for  a  party ; 
So  exclusive  and  few 
Were  the  friends  that  he  knew 
That  no  one  was  present  but  Smarty. 


CII 

There  were  three  young  women  of  Birming- 
ham, 
And  I  know  a  sad  story  concerning  'em ; 

They  stuck  needles  and  pins 

In  the  Right  Reverend  shins 
Of  the  Bishop  engaged  in  confirming  'em. 


cin 

There  was  a  young  man  from  Quebec, 
Who  was  buried  in  snow  to  his  neck ; 

When  asked,  "  Are  you  friz  ?  " 

He  replied,  "  Yes,  I  is  - 
But  this  is  not  cold  for  Quebec/' 


ov 

There  was  an  old  man  of  Madrid, 
Who  was  hit  with  a  brick  by  a  kid; 

Said  the  man,  "  Oh,  what  joy 

To  wallup  that  boy ! 
Be  darned  if  I  don't ;  "  and  he  did. 


cv 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Tucker, 
Who  rushed  at  her  mother  and  struck  her ; 
Her  mother  said,  "Damn, 
Don't  you  know  who  I  am  ? 
You  act  like  a  regular  mucker/* 


CVI 

A  scrupulous  priest  of  Kildare, 
Used  to  pay  a  rude  peasant  to  swear, 

Who  would  paint  the  air  blue, 

For  an  hour  or  two, 
While  his  reverence  wrestled  in  prayer* 


cvn 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Banker, 
Who  slept  while  the  ship  lay  at  anchor ; 
She  awoke  in  dismay 
When  she  heard  the  mate  say : 
44  Now  hoist  up  the  top  sheet,  and  spanker." 


cvin 

There  once  was  a  lady  so  fair 

That  no  one  could  see  she  was  there : 

It  may  not  seem  decent 

To  be  so  translucent, 
But  we  pardon  all  things  to  the  fair. 


ox 

There  was  an  old  monk  of  Siberia, 

Whose  existence  grew  drearier  and  drearier ; 

He  burst  from  his  cell 

With  a  hell  of  a  yell, 
And  eloped  with  the  Mother  Superior. 


ex 

There's  a  lady  in  Kalamazoo, 

Who  bites  all  her  oysters  in  two  : 

She  has  a  misgiving, 

Should  any  be  living, 

They'd  raise  such  a  hullabaloo. 


CXI 

There  once  was  a  sculptor  named  Phidias, 
Whose  statues  by  some  were  thought  hideous : 

He  made  Aphrodite, 

Without  any  nightie, 
Which  shocked  all  the  ultra  fastidious. 


cxn 

There  was  a  young  lady  named  Enos, 
Who  went  to  a  ball  dressed  as  Venus. 

The  guests  said,  "It's  rude, 

To  come  in  the  nude  — 
And    they    brought    her    a    leaf    from    the 
green'us." 


cxm 

Said  the  Reverend  Jabez  McCotten, 
"  The  waltz  of  the  devil's  begotten/' 
Said  young  Jones  to  Miss  Sly 
"  Never  mind  that  old  guy : 
To  the  pure  almost  everything's  rotten/ 


cxrv 

II  y  avait  une  demoiselle  de  Nigre, 
Qui  souriait  en  se  promenant  a  tigre ; 
De  la  course  en  rentrant 
Voila  la  dame  en  dedans, 
Et  le  sourire  a  la  gueule  du  tigre. 


LIST    OF    SOURCES 


LIST  OF  SOURCES 

ARLO  BATES LVII 

GELETT  BURGESS VII,  xxn 

CHICAGO  TRIBUNE XXVII 

F.  G.  CHRISTGAU LXIV 

GEORGE  DU  MAURIER LXXXV,  LXXXVI 

W.  S.  GILBERT LXXX 

HARVARD  LAMPOON VIII,  LIU,  LXV 

OLIVER  HERFORD LXXVI 

DAVID  STARR  JORDAN XLVI,  CVlll 

RUDYARD  KIPLING cm 

THE  LARK LXX 

EDWARD  LEAR  ....    IX,  LXXIX,  LXXXiv,  xcm 
LIFE xv,  xxi,  LXII,  LXXXVII 

LIPPINCOTT'S XXVIII 

COSMO  MONKHOUSE XX,  XXXV,  XLI 

PRINCETON  TIGER  .   LXVII 


ALPHONSO  ROSS XCIV 

ST.  NICHOLAS XCM 

MRS.  SIVRET XCV 

THE  TECH XXV 

CAROLYN  WELLS  ...  XI,  XII,  LXin,  LXVIII,  LXIX 


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